“Happy Mother’s Day!” For some people I realize this greeting comes with immense pain whether it was the loss of a mother, child, or you are grieving the life you had once dreamed of (or still dreaming of) and for others this day is pure joy or a mixture of both. To all the moms… married, single, widowed, or maybe you’re a dad who has either chosen or been thrust into the mom role…YOU FREAKING ROCK! I’m so proud of you and I just want to be sure that you know it, because there isn’t a trophy big enough in this universe that I could give you that will reflect your awesomeness.
You absolutely deserve this one special day to be loved, cherished, and pampered. Frankly, you deserve 365 days of this; however, let’s get real for just a minute. Life consumes us moms and we can barely juggle chauffeuring our kids around to various activities, whipping up dinner, and ensuring our kids are still breathing at the end of the day…let alone finding time to take a long bath, drink a glass of wine, or whatever completely and utterly relaxes you. You may not think you deserve this, because you are selfless giving creatures by nature; however, let me assure you that YOU DO!
As I mentioned in my last blog post, this year started out a bit rough for me. I’m not saying that everything is going perfect now; however, one thing I committed to that has completely changed everything for me is was what therapists like to call self care. Oh yes you better believe that I just said it and I’m not even talking about the type of self care that costs you money; however, if you have the funds allocated to do such things (I.e. massages, mani/pedis, goat yoga classes (I hear they’re all the rage lol), a beach vacation to Fiji (why not dream big!), etc.) by all means DO IT!!
I’m simply talking about minimally committing to doing the things each day that bring YOU the feelings you desire and keep you breathing, so you can muster up the energy and joy to take care of those you love. For me I strive to create feelings of peace, joy, happiness, and love. Most days my kids bring me this (don’t judge me, because we all know that kids don’t give us peace 100% of the time) and others I have to dig deep to find those feelings in the depths of my soul. In the middle of March, I had an awakening after a weekend away in Los Angeles for a Tony Robbins Event. I spent A LOT of time alone with myself (and GOD), sharing intimate details with complete strangers, and becoming self aware in ways that I never imagined. By the end of those four days, I had come up with a list of five things that I could actually commit to doing that would bring me more of those feelings (peace, joy, happiness, and love) each and every day (Feel free to borrow them if you aren’t sure where to start).
These were the five things I choose each day…
#1 Meditate – Spending time alone each morning with myself (and God) to feel thankful for the air I breathe and the heart that beats inside of me along with all of the other blessings in my life is the start of a beautiful process of creating a future of gratitude rather than living in the regrets of my past.
#2 Journal – My thoughts are sometimes so loud that I can barely hear myself think straight, so the sooner I get them out on paper each day the easier it is for me to evade the anxiety that comes along with the 50 items that aren’t getting completed on my task list or just getting out all of my frustrations, concerns, and cries to God. Every morning I unpack my emotional baggage on that paper and start the day feeling much lighter.
#3 Read – The best way for me to escape reality, hear messages of truth, or even find news ways to navigate this world is through reading. In a millisecond, I can be at a beach, in love with a mega rich billionaire (why not), or finding real life answers to my worldly problems by flipping open the pages of a book. When I start reading, the noise of the world around me melts away and time begins to stand still. Any thoughts of worry, pain, or self-pity immediately flow to the way side as I delve into this fictional or non-fictional alternate universe. It took me a long time to start picking up a book again after my husband died; however, now I can’t get enough. I feed myself with knowledge allowing my brain and my heart to expand in unbelievable ways.
#4 Music – JUST DANCE & CRANK THOSE TUNES! I grew up in competitive dancing as a kid and I loved the way it made me feel yet as an adult those memories had started to fade as did my appreciation for the ability to start dancing at any moment in time to get me in the right state of mind. As a mother, my kids appreciate it when I refrain from dancing in public; however, in the privacy of my home or in the car it’s fair game and I will start dancing around my kitchen island at any given moment. If you haven’t done it in a while DO IT NOW! I promise you if your kids make you mad there’s no better way to take it out on them then by flossing in their face. If you have no clue of what I’m talking about please google ‘floss dance’ as soon as you’re done reading this. You won’t be disappointed when you’re the coolest mom at the party doing the latest Fortnite dances. This could be considered cruel and unusual punishment as well. Just sayin. LOL.
#5 Listen – I’m not talking about listening to the noise of the world around me. I’m talking about reading my daily devotion and listening to hear if there’s a bigger message that I should be receiving. Sometimes I find myself responding to HIM/GOD/UNIVERSE (whatever you believe is mightier than YOU) by shouting out what I think about the answers. For example, I recently felt as though I was a failure for the choices I’ve made and the next day I opened my daily devotion and the following big bold letters stared back at me “DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF”. I responded flippantly with “REALLY GOD?!” I always give myself a 1 day “grace” period when I have these feelings. I wallow in self pity, cry myself to sleep, scream at the world around me, maybe drink a couple beers (I’m NOT perfect), and then move forward. Very therapeutic if I might just say so myself. I’ve learned not to get stuck in any particular emotional state for too long. The way to move forward? Repeat steps 1-5 daily (make them your own though) and message your closest friends, so they can tell you what an awesome BAD ASS you are.
You may be sitting there thinking “what does this happen to do with me?” EVERYTHING. As a mother, you likely aren’t taking enough time to listen to yourself and understand what you need. You may not recall what allows you to experience the feelings of peace, joy, happiness, excitement or whatever it is you need to thrive in this world. Good news is you can start today! It’s time for YOU to take control and give yourself a few minutes each day to recharge. I’m constantly telling myself stories like “I don’t have enough time” or “I’m too busy”, but that is a complete and utter LIE! I started waking up 30 minutes earlier and used that time to meditate. I took 30 minutes after my kids got on the bus to read my daily devotion and write in my journal rather than getting on Facebook. At night, my guilty pleasure was binging on my favorite Netflix shows, so I made the conscious decision to replace that with reading. I adapted N.E.T. to my daily practice (NO EXTRA TIME).
I understand that some days are exhausting and you may just need to rest, but if you truly make the decision to put yourself first and make massive changes in your life then keep pushing through mama because you will not be disappointed. It’s time for YOU! Don’t hold back, because the end result will be filled with the amazing energy you now have to pour back into this world.